I’ve found a common dynamic when it comes to dating and friendship is I’ll invite a friend or a romantic interest to spend some time together, and I’ll either get no response from them at all, or I’ll get a some kind of ‘I can’t this week, but maybe next week? While these two responses are distinctly different, what they have in common is that being on the receiving end it can be unclear what the response means, In this post, while I use online dating as an initial vehicle for discussing the dynamics of no-reply and I’m-busy responses.
The more important dynamic I’m really interested in, is these responses from people who you know a bit better.
I know personally I tend to stop replying to messages when I get depressed, and it’s not because I don’t like the person who’s messaging me.
A few precious gems were legitimately nice and pleasant, but their presence in my inbox was so minuscule as to hardly be noticeable. I think this is on the way out, but it’s lingering. I am interested in historical records on some of the most pressing matters of our time.
If I didn’t have corrective contact lenses, I wouldn’t have even been able to see them. But whatever, you get my point.) These messages were like these little lifesavers thrown out to me, a person who was drowning in a cesspool of filth and sewage water, only to be just as quickly cast aside because, even though they were nice enough, relatively speaking, the guys who sent them were fifty-two years old or were self-described “fitness models” or went by the user name “Lets Fck Around.”Look, I know it isn’t easy out there for dudes, either. So guys have some pressure—they’re the ones who have to “make a move” and then just wait while my friends and I gasp and laugh and email each other the complete garbage they’ve just sent us. I am interested in the grouping and analysis of small disasters.
Accept that dating online will involve some chasing.
If you find someone who catches your eye, send an icebreaker or a friendly email.
Note: While this post pertains to dating advice and dynamics, it’s also entirely relevant for general social pursuits – eg.